How Men Should Deal with Breakups

Rupture can be a difficult time for anyone, and for men this is no different. When it comes to breaking the boys tend to do it differently than women. Women tend to talk to their friends, ventilating, and express what they feel, which is a very healthy way to deal with a breakup. Men, on the other hand, does not refer to a break as healthy as a woman because of gender roles in our society. Read: 10 Biggest Secrets to a Happy Married Life.

Men are rejected and rebuked a young age when they are too emotional or even mourn, so learn to suppress their emotions, which can eventually be very unhealthy. Another thing that men usually do after a breakup is to find some women bounce, [5 Reasons Why Women Don’t Like Shy Men]. While this may work as a temporary solution during the day, this is still a good way to ‘beat’ a girl. The feelings are still there, only deleted. Here I reveal some healthy ways that men can handle a breakup.

After Breakup

Tips for Men to Deal with Breakups

Go With Friends

Another good coping skill is to go out with your friends. A person does not need to sit at home after a break-up. He needs to go out and enjoy life. The point of going out with friends is not to prove that a man is better off single or to pick up a quick fling for the night. The point of going out is to get outside. Once the initial shock of a break-up is over, a person male or female needs to start learning how to have a good time being single.

Act Smart

One should take all this emotion and put it into something great. What many do not realize is that passion in any shape or form is a good thing. One should use this passion for something great. For some that can mean putting yourself into your schoolwork, exercising, or taking up a new hobby. Passion is a good thing. It can also be refreshing to know that you can say that you cared for someone so much at one point in your life. This is what living is all about, putting yourself out there enough to get hurt.

Go For Someone Else

Guys are often told to suppress their feelings through denial, or by trying to go out and hook up with someone new as soon as possible. They are also much less likely to see media images of young men acknowledging grief and reaching out for help and reassurance. In the movies, male tears at the end of relationships, [Ways to Destroy Your Relationship] – if they appear at all – are often played for laughs or for ridicule. And though some young men do learn that it’s “okay” to cry in private, or to cry in front of a girlfriend, it is a rare young man in our culture who feels as if he can shed tears in front of his male buddies or partners without judgment. (It’s always a good conversation starter with boys: ask how they would react if their best male friend cried in front of them while asking for help. Even in this enlightened era, far too many guys are totally “at wits end” when confronted by a male friend’s evident emotional pain.) Though there is some anecdotal evidence that this is starting to change, far too few guys have the sense that their pain will be validated if they share it with their friends.

Another Option is to Remain Single

First try and avoid rebounding by giving yourself time to be single after a relationship but if there is no other option left, the most important thing a man can do to cope with a break-up is to learn to be single. If a man is not happy with himself alone, he will never be in a successful relationship. Yes the break-up hurts, but now that man can be free to focus on the positive things about being single. He should not dwell on any one thing too much. Taking a trip to the store and buying the foods he wants, and organizing the bedroom room his way, can go a long way to coping with that difficult break-up.

Emotional Therapy

Deal with your breakup in ways which are emotionally healthy for you and your ex. It’s common to feel angry or bitter after a breakup, but some people act on those feelings in ways that aren’t healthy, and which range from masochistic to downright dangerous. To be clear, ceasing to do all the things you enjoy doing, or which you need to do – going to school or work, eating, sleeping, bathing — is not healthy. Self-harm through things like cutting, drinking or doing drugs, high-risk sexual behavior or suicide attempts are not healthy. Refusing to give your ex space and time – such as by texting or emailing them over and over again – or allowing an ex to refuse to give you space and time is not healthy. Hopefully it’s obvious, but blackmailing, manipulating, stalking, harassing, or physically or sexually attacking an ex in any way are not only unhealthy, but abusive and criminal.

Never Communicate

One of the worst things people do after a breakup is to continue communicating. It might be pointing out what the other person did wrong, asking what you did wrong, or telling the other person how you will change and do things differently. The only result in continued communication is prolonging the heartache of the breakup. You should unfriend her on Facebook and other social networking sites. It is way too easy to cyber stalk someone in this day and age, and by doing so, you will only get to experience the suffering of watching her relationship status change from in a relationship, to single, and back to in a relationship when she meets that next guy.

Time

The best and hardest way to deal with an unwelcome breakup is time. Time is the best method because it works, but it is also the worst because it can take a lot of time. Just remember that the hourly thoughts of her will change to days, daily thoughts of her will change to weeks, and then you will stop thinking of her much at all. And when the thought of her does creep back into the mind, it won’t be as painful and maybe then it can be time to consider being friends. Assuming there is any point in being friends by then.

Men, by their very nature, approach a breakup with the ferocity of wounded animal seeking food in the wilderness. We do not complain or vent – we challenge our ‘ex’ to a battle of the sexes by any means necessary. Although popular culture, in turn reality, has done away with the ‘bad ass’ rebel without a cause, men will always aspire to be rebels in one form or another. Stripped away of our BlackBerry, flannel shirt, and Ray-Ban glasses – men are savage animals that love sex and violence (ideally, we’d like to combine the two). We’re more like Jack Nicholson from Five Easy Pieces than Joseph Gordon-Levitt from 500 Days of I Have No Balls. While women drink mimosas with the girls and take Instagram photos of their manicured toes; men isolate, hibernate, and look at photos of Suicide Girls. Women who get ‘dumped’ or agree to a mutual break-up (history has never recorded a genuine mutual break-up) eat chocolate cake and go dancing; men, the real red-blooded ones, will start an impromptu fight on the basketball court and drink large amounts of whiskey, alone. Rebounds for women tend to be a new boyfriend – someone that “understands them” or supports their hobby. For men, a rebound is either a basketball statistic or having sex with a stranger in the backseat of a muscle car. Women change their Facebook relationship status (ouch); men delete their Facebook, get a tattoo, and take up a very dangerous hobby like Brazilian Ju-Jitsu. We go to long baseball games, turn off our cell-phones, and never watch romantic-comedies. Women watch romantic-comedies and have a ‘good cry’ with the girls. Yuck.
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