How do you know when you are ready to start dating again after a breakup? Most people do not even bother to ask themselves this question, but simply dive back in. But if you want to avoid making the same mistakes in your next relationship, you should pay attention to these signs.
So you’ve come to the end of a relationship. Some of us swear that we will never date again, while others throw themselves into looking for another partner. We’re all different, and some people.
So you think that your ex was the most wonderful person in the world, and that no-one will ever match up to them. You’re almost certainly wrong, and in time you will wonder what you ever saw in them. In the meantime, you’re not going to make a go of it with someone who in your eyes doesn’t compare to them, so give dating a miss until you see sense.
Talking about Other Dates
If a man announces, on a first date, that he had a date over the weekend or has another date lined up, it’s a red flag. No, I don’t think someone should assume exclusivity after one date. Come on. But there are certain things you just don’t talk about because it’s bad manners. It’s also rather socially clueless. I don’t want to know that a man has other dates. I just don’t. I assume it until he gives me reason to believe otherwise, [Read: Signs of a Successful Great First Date]. To make me acutely aware of that fact either shows a complete social ineptitude or hints at a manipulative nature. Few people want to know, for a fact, that they are just one of a few people vying for the other person’s attention. It completely distorts future interactions. If someone asks you, on the first date or two, if you’re dating others… at the very least play it down or try to avoid answering the question directly. If you have to..lie.
You plan to visit a place where you know he might be coming. You tell yourself that it’s nothing and you are doing it just out of curiosity to know how he is doing. Well lady, these are the signs that you are still not over him. You still haven’t thrown his stuff or photographs out. What’s worse, you find yourself stealing glances at his photos every now and then.
It is not necessary to find a mate or even a new friend shortly after a divorce, and finding just a friend might prove to be difficult. People read what they want when searching personal ads, and they might skip over the part about wanting to start out as friends. For some an entire year should go by before making an attempt at dating again, even when they initiated the divorce. In any case it is wise to search deep inside for signs that you are not ready to date again.
Now, it would be daft to throw away any gifts of value from your ex. But are you hanging on to sentimental items like a menu from your favourite restaurant, or photos? Do you still haunt places that you used to go to together? Then you haven’t let go, and aren’t ready to try with someone new.
How comfortable would you be in the company of another person that has more on their mind than friendship? People are often nervous when they first meet for a first date, but this feeling should quickly pass in the company of the right person. If comfort is an issue when making an attempt at dating again, you might not be ready to date. After all, going to a movie or out to eat should be an enjoyable experience, and having second thoughts might be a sign that you are not ready to date again – at least not yet.
That’s need, not love. If you don’t know who you are outside of a relationship, now is a great time to figure that out. Expecting another person to complete you or make you happy is a recipe for disaster. That’s your job.